changeling/ina

maybe everything is related and has a reason.. after a week of writing and finishing my essays and then going onto the the next step which is what ??? I gave in my mew project - teaching its the way forward and something I'd lovr to be involved in - if it hadn't been for a friend coming in and telling me, I wouldn'y ahve found the next thing that feels right .. so we'll see. so al little trip into town .. trains stopping , a bus from kentish town , getting chucked off at warren street - ic ould have  sworn it was going to totenham court road, handing the form in.. these things get filled quickly and would have time to do it the follwing year and I like the idea of projects to keep me in London ... going to borders and finding it all boarded up.. gutted and also about the people who will never get paid for their distribution rights, like the independant magazines and a friends one at that, where they will never have a leg to stand on and see the light of their money, its a shame , borders was a refreshing big bookshop that felt that it was independant and sadly it has gone.. whats left on the high street , not much anymore .. the independants are going , our own local bookshop became the estate agent and it was a sad loss , I tried to shop their as much as I could, and still try and keep the local high street going.. its great though as you walk through the high street,, only in a suburb in london would you get a high street with indian thali places that it feels like real india, with real indians and not just those that are second generation Indians, italian delis, polish delis and shops alongside the iranian shops , plus the Irish boozer and the slavic drinking holes, a pub with bijoux and faux leather sofas thats almost a gastropub  and a local church with a dance hall.. ot really is all embracing and what Londons about.
digression alert . finally came back from town and put on changeling .. with brangelina... its apparantly true.. what happened in those days .. does it still reflect what people think about psychiatry and the power of institutions .. did this reakky happen . is this why people are so sceptical about the medical field and the placement of power, is people power only just beginning to have a voice, what is psychiatry doing about this ? when films like this are shown , does it reflect peoples thoughts on modern day pyschiatry and police and institutions in general.. how can we learn from this ... where do we go from here, throughout the men were frightened by the power the women in the film held and then used the power against them in the form of institutions, in the end the power relationship was changed using the court of law.. does this reflect how change must be made even now ... this was in the 20s in america .. in the 40s the stasi were around - the lives of others ... the way people tuen against each other , the play- the class .. whats going on now, why can't we learn from miscarriages of justice and take them forward.. why does power lead to blindness ................

swan lake

after a week of viral stuff and thankfully not swine flu ,maybe the vaccine is doing its job or maybe its the placebo effect, but the sore arm helped... and nothing like a  bit of rejection from the man front  ... a dose of sex and the city did its consolaatory job and this morning woke up refreshed and invigorated by my morning observer scope, which told me that I could and should do anything .... so we'll see ... I love horoscopes for that effect, bearing in mind they are for one twelth of the population they are so startingly true for the amount of time it stays in my memory, ie for 5 minutes ... then onto the sunday times style and the telegraph ones just to check they all correlate and my family keep them, after three years of training they still go missing. ... in an ideal world I would have them all delivered to my house and ironed ...  but just the magazines ..

anyway after a brunch and good ole catch up , thanks be for my wonderful girlfriends who keep me on track and let me splurge with the trials and tribulations of life and hope that it is resciprocated ..  matthew bournes swan lake was everything a ballet, dance show should be .. a live orchestra, a wonderfuly eclectic audience , old, young, very good looking men and all shapes and colurs of people, the dancng was amazing, the costumes beautiful, the choreography visually stunnning , and am going to have to see it again as theree was so much going on  that what have I missed ... this is what makes you alive and also dream ... I think yet again how amazing to live in London and have the opportunity to see shows like this ...  i'll have baeutiful dreams tonight ..

living in london

anish Kapoor - at the Royal Academy - how does he do it ... amazing, though gutted i never had the experience of accidentally digging my fingers into the wax and will always wonder how soft and malleable it would have been ....

Our Class - courtesy of the Race,ethnicty and nationalism module.. seen at the National theatre .. brilliantly acted , long but didnt even notice, simple yet thoroughly effective ...

Milton Jones - dead pan humour - saw him over 15 years a go at Giles charity comedy london night and saw him again .. I should have asked him .. sorry ..

lots of films - lynn n=barbers memoirs - crap ,..
persepolis - wonderful and amazing animation and how it can be so effectiveky used to tell a history.. couldn't watch Waltz with Bashir though , too many memories of Israelis

going backwards

This blog is an online diary, probably will be written in restrospect and when I remember I have a blog ..
its more for me , rather than anyone else so hence the often incomprehensible ramblings for which i apologise in advance..
after having just seen the Wellcome collections new exhibition on identity where they had a room about diarys and a vast array of diaries, some from kids stating the non plussing events that are often so vivid in those days and yet very boring to the rest of man kind.I for one have kept all my diaries and can remember some of my first entries -" I practiced my gymnastics and did a bridge for the first time".. anyway I wonder whether there should have been space for online diaries/blogs. I mean blogs are for musings, is anyone seriously going to read them..
apart from if you are a call girl or listing your sexual expolits then the press will eventually find you after you have tried to keep quiet about your identity and made your money and possible lost an ounce or two of self esteem along the way.

the start of the new term - after a bout of tonsillitis in march, i had an epiphany .. what was I doing, where was I going, what did I want from life and where was it taking me.. i'd reached sticking point and found that work wasn't stimulating, but depressing and suddenly I thought I can't be doing this for the next thirty years..
the story is that I have been a GP in north london for a few years, loved working in women's health, got all the qualifications, met some wonderful inspirng people along the way and managed to have such a supportive working environment that let me develop in the way I have, so I thank you...  I never thought what opportnities were possible and I always try and say thank you to my guardian angels that have given me some kind of inner strength and internal hope..
so I decided to start medical anthropology .. its been a steep learning curve, but I always knew I'd be happy sitting in a library and discussing and being listened to and intellectually stimulated beyond belief. the world of academia is amazing and I can feel the pull, it is escapsism, but its also somewhere you can place your passion and focus and be surrounded by people who want to learn and discuss and continue to develop. its a wonderful world. there s so much to learn that I may need to add on at least another century to my life.. I just wish i could retain some of the stuff I read... its gven me back my zest of life.. being a GP is great and a wonderful insight into peoples lives and also its given me a great skill and I hope I do my job effectively.. doing this degree makes me realise how much I enjoy and respect my work and patients and work enviornment, why not combine the two .. thats the the next step..